It's a Sideways, Downward Zig Zaggy Spiral

The Bean is in the midst of sleep training. We're not exactly sure who is training who right now though. We're trying to get her to the point where she can sleep through the night without needing a milk feed from her Momma. We've cut it down over the last week or so by one waking but that required the husband to sleep at the foot of the bed with his hand resting on her so she'd stay lying down and drift back to sleep. I tried that but because I'm the giver of milk it kind of backfired and the night turned into a round of pick up the baby, cuddle her to see if she'd go back to sleep and if not nursing until she stopped drinking and putting her back into her own bed only to replay the whole thing again a few hours, or an hour or half an hour later.

Looking back I think training the Peanut was so much easier. She was a sucker, and not in a "Ha ha sucker!" kind of way but in a put a suckey (soother) in her mouth and she would self soothe back to sleep kind of way. I originally didn't want a soother with the Peanut but she got one when I wasn't looking and it turned out that it wasn't a problem for us. She didn't use it all the time, when she needed it, it was a lifesaver and when it was time for her to give it up it was easy peasy. So we got one for the Bean and she refused to use it. She's not a sucker, unless it's with me then she's right on it. I've been diligent about breaking the latch when there is no actual eating from day one which leads to either a stretch and roll over to go to sleep or a frantic scramble to get back onto the milk train. If we had the soother to fall back on this whole sleep thing would be so much simpler. We'd just be replaying the Peanut's sleep training instead of feeling like first timers all over again.

Any suggestions out there? Did you have a soother refuser? how did you do the getting them to sleep through the night thing?