Thursday, September 22, 2011

Osmosis

Sometimes when I read a really well written book (and there have been a lot of those over the last six or so months) I get so caught up in the experiences of the characters that I will identify very strongly with the characters. Sometimes if the story is one that I can really identify with, there can be confusion about whether I'm remembering feeling something that I've read about, or something I've done. Not often, but sometimes.

One thing that I've noticed over the last year or so is that I'm a big old sponge for soaking up the residual emotions of the people around me. Anger, depression, anxiety... it all seems to flow right into my frame of mind like water into a cup.

The trick is to know when it's happening, separate myself from the outside emotions as much as possible and keep on keeping on.

It's not easy. Hell no, it is so not easy. It's not easy because on top of that, I need to be there to give my support to those people in my life whom I love.  I've got to be there to listen to their bad days and hurts and frustrations. Not only do I have to be there, I want to be there, I need to be there. I love my husband and he deserves and needs my emotional support. I love my daughters and I need and want to give them my emotional support.

So where am I going with this? I needed to get it out, put it down so that it isn't so tied up inside me that I'm not sure where my anger, depression, anxiety starts (if it starts at all) and where the other begins. Things have been a bit (and when I say "a bit" I'm understating the case) tense around here lately and I've been writhing with the possibility that post partum depression is trying to set down some roots. And I'm breathing, deep deep breaths, reminding my self to eat, getting (well, as much as I can with an almost crawling teething baby) enough sleep and double checking with myself about how I'm feeling and how everyone around me is feeling.

And this is where I end this post.

3 comments:

Marisa Hopkins said...

Aw, Tami, it's so hard being a mom with two little kids - especially with an artist's disposition. I'm the same way when it comes to reading - like I'm a method reader. I love the books that impact me emotionally - those are my favorite - but they always leave me changed, and not always for the better.

When it comes to writing, I'm the same way, and my characters are often angry, or anxious or sad. It gets so depressing and I get so anxious and depressed whilst writing about them. My poor daughters probably think I'm insane.

Good luck to you! I hope it isn't postpartum depression, but I'm glad you are considering it, in the event that it is setting down roots.

TMCPhoto said...

I like that analogy for reading. I am totally a method reader.

I'm quite certain that it's not PPD but it never hurts to take stock

Jen said...

I understand what you're saying. I tend to do this with illnesses. As soon as one of my family is ill I start to feel ill to, I absorb their symptoms which makes my anxiety level soar. When I realized I was doing this I started doing short visuals of surrounding myself with an orb of light. So far it has helped me help my loved ones while not being absorbed by their feelings.
Hang in there. Tense times are inevitable with the fast pace of family life and all the stresses of young ones.

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