Thursday, September 15, 2011

She's Perfect

of course.
Of course she is.

I should know, I've been there for almost every single moment of her 5+ years. She's smart, funny, full of imagination, she knows how to push my buttons and as of yesterday she's navigating whole days without me. I'm proud, I'm so happy for her (there is excitement in her eyes every morning when we get her up) and I worry.

Of course I worry. Who (besides the husband) knows her better than I do? I know she's going to have some bumpy days. I know that there are going to be tears (there already have been right where I expected them to happen) and I know that she's going to be fine. In my head I know she's going to be fine. With her personal quirks, her ready to please attitude and her belief that every kid out there is a friend waiting to be made. And then there's her inner loner.

And then I sit outside the school grounds waiting for her first 1/2 day to be over scanning the school yard for her glowing braided head. When I finally catch sight of her she's wondering around by herself. By her posture and the look on her face she's pretending to be a T-rex, alone. This isn't new by any means. The husband and I have noticed her go of by herself at play groups and play dates. Both the husband and I are a little reserved around new groups of people so we get it. We get that large groups can be overwhelming, that sometimes doing stuff by yourself is more comfortable, sometimes it's the best fun and sometimes it's lonely. And there's the rub.

Growing up and even right now, I've found social situations a challenge. I can't help but to want better for her (In some cases she is better than I am. As an example: inviting perfect strangers the next booth over, in a restaurant over to our house, address included, because she's been playing with their kids for five minutes is so not something I would ever have done at the age of 3.5). To make friends easily. To fit in. Watching her play alone in a crowd of laughing yelling kids her own age and over was a little heartbreaking and also a moment filled with resisting the urge to run onto the playground to help her make a friend. And then just as I was wiping away a stray little tear one, then two then three other children surrounded her and then they were all off and running.

I guess what I'm getting at is that this whole sending our first born off to school has really been much harder on me than her. She's going to be OK, she's perfect just the way she is and she'll be alright. I just worry. That's a Mama's job right?


Knickertwist said...

That is absolutely a mamas job! The very best mama's worry :)

jennohara said...

Yep, that is your job! She's going to be just fine. :)

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