Mourning

It's funny you see; not funny ha ha but funny in an odd way because I don't have any connections to the children, teachers and families who lost lives and loved ones on Friday, no physical connections and yet I find myself sobbing at random moments and wiping away stray tears before entering a room where my children are playing. The only thing that links me to last Friday's tragedy is the fact that any one of those beautiful bright eyed children could have been my Peanut. My peanut was a day before, a week after, a month before two months after, six months before, a year after... days, weeks, months a year. I could be in the same position as the mothers in Connecticut who are mourning their babies, their children.

When I posted after my niece' lost her baby after a long stay in hospital I said that I could imagine the pain and the loss and that I knew full well that what I imagined for myself didn't even scratch the surface. And still the pain I imagined was immense; and I had the Peanut who is six and well past infant-hood and the Bean who was and is and was healthy without any trace of genetic disorder or disease.

So I can well imagine what the mothers of those twenty children are feeling, I can put myself in their shoes because what they have lost is so, so very close to what I have safe and sound and boisterously running around my home. I can imagine their pain and it is unspeakable and I know it's not even scratching the surface. So I do what they can no longer do; I hug my girls close and tight, I let them know that they mean the world to me and I pray that no other mama has to feel the pain I am imagining.