Unthinkable

 My heart is breaking for my niece and her partner and also for my sister. My nephew quietly left them yesterday, suddenly and from an unforeseen complication which was unrelated to his rare condition. A blockage in an artery dislodged and Linden went to sleep, peacefully, surrounded by the people who loved him best.

Linden fought tooth and nail, battling mountainous odds and beating them in his very short life. When things seemed to be at the darkest he rallied, accepting the positive energies and healing prayers that were being sent his way from countless people who knew him and his family and also from those who had just heard his story and kept him in their thoughts. For those of you who added to the ocean of support via my blog. Please, please, please accept my gratitude.

Losing a child is simply and horrifyingly unthinkable. We try not to dwell on the possibility that any child will leave this world before their parents. When it actually happens there are absolutely no words that can do justice to the grief that follows. The little we can do and say never

taken last week. Happy to be able to go outside after
months of being indoors. Linden was so close
to being able to go home.

feels like enough. We are awkward in our condolences.

As a mother I can only imagine (and quite vividly) what my niece is going through right now. I know that my imaginings barely scrape the surface of what she is living through. Her desire to have her baby in her arms just one more time must be overpowering. The wish that her child was still here and still in possession of all the possibilities we are gifted with when we take our first few steps in this life, must be exquisitely painful. These are things I imagine but cannot know myself. I am blessed with my two daughters. They are healthy and full of energy.

Watching my sister, my niece and her partner put all their energy into Linden's treatment allowed me to look at my girls and really be thankful for their health, their childish wisdom and even their mischievous moments. Because my niece is no longer able to hold her baby I hold mine a little tighter and for a few seconds longer. I am thankful that I have them, that their little spirits chose me to be their mother and I let them know.

Linden embodied the love from all the people who sent him their thoughts and prayers, from his grandparents and great grandparents who looked on him with devotion, from his aunts and uncles who fell in love with him the moment he was born, and from his parents who were graced with his monster sized soul. He fought to stay with them. When he was too tired to fight they/we fought for him. When it was his time to leave they held him with all their love as he went to a place with no more pain. Love is a verb as well as a noun. Linden was loved, he loved he was love.

In honour of Linden's short and powerful life please consider becoming a bone marrow donor, Linden's life would have had little hope had he not had a match.  If you live outside of Canada you can become a donor in your own country. Matches can be made from all over the world. To list a very few:

In Canada visit One Match
In the US go to Be The Match 
In the UK go to the British Bone Marrow Registry

You may be a match for someone whose life could be saved by a donation. Wouldn't that be a lovely legacy for my nephew? Please, if you do sign up and are a match for someone at anytime please let me know so I can pass that information on to my niece and her partner, knowing that Linden's circumstances helped someone else might be a tiny balm to the pain they are feeling right now and in the future.