first we dream

So I've been having weird dreams lately. This apparently is normal for pregnant women.

The thing is, is that before the Bean came along I was dreaming about being pregnant. Months before morning sickness set in, my dreams were filled with the sensations of the quickening. At the time I chalked these dreams up to my subconscious coming to terms with the looming possibility that the Peanut was going to be our only child. Looking back now I see that those dreams were harbingers of what was to come, similar to the experience I had the year we conceived the Peanut and I "felt" her hand in mine during a Samhain ritual.

Last night I dreamed that the Bean was pressing her face into my belly, turning my belly into a head with her features molded into the stretched skin. When I write it down or try to explain it, it just sounds weird, and kind of disgusting, but during the dream, even though the whole concept seemed a little creepy I noticed that my response was not towards the creep factor. I was focused on getting that first peek at her face.

The bean moves almost non-stop. With the exception of the week following my birthday, I've been feeling her, watching her go (letting the Peanut put things on my belly so that the Bean can make them dance, watching her make waves in the tub) a lot of the dreams I've been having stem from this movement.

Of course the last few months and this past week in particular, combining the whole baby making experience with the culmination of a new project and launch (which has been a huge success to start off with; high views during the first few hours and inclusion in on Treasury too)has probably played a part in some of the dreams as well. All in all, I've always enjoyed my dreams, and these dreams are no exception.

A card a week for a year: week 2

One card a week for 52 weeks. Each card depicting a single word or phrase to be used in an affirmation deck at the end of the year. Once again; I'm willing to take any word or phrase suggestions that you all may have, send them in.

This was a troublesome week for the card. I started one that was very promising but then tanked halfway through the process. I had a vague idea in mind, but it just wasn't as strong as I would have liked and seeing as I'm a by the seat of your pants kind of girl, I just kept pushing it through because that's part of the art process, you push it until you've gone too far and then you bring it back in and then you push it again until you get the finished project. This time there was just no bringing it back. On the plus side I can use the techniques and Ideas that didn't work this time on another or some other cards in the future.

Here's the process:

Materials:

• Card Stock
• Loose Page out of an Altered Book Project
• Nicholson's Peerless Transparent Watercolour
• Wax Crayon
• Pearl Ex interference pigment
• Water Colour Pencil
• Paint Brushes
• Glue Stick
• Tweezers
• Paper Trimmer
• X-acto Knife and Cutting Matt
• Ruler or Straight Edge


The Process:
I started out by scanning a bunch of loose pages from an altered book project I've started, (more on that in another post, don't let me forget) Looking for a suitable word.

As the book I'm altering is a Readers Digest hardcover and the pages I've removed so far are from a murder mystery the range of words were fairly limited, although I did come across a very good option; daydreaming, which could have been too froofy if not handled in the right way. I'm hoping that this is not the case with this card but time will tell. I then used the paper trimmer to cut card stock down to ATC size, 3.5"x2.5"

Using the x-acto blade and ruler I removed my chosen word. held the tiny rectangle onto scrap paper with the tweezers and rubbed glue from the glue stick onto the back. and then placed the word onto my card.

Using mauve peerless watercolour and macropearl Pearl-Ex pigment I applied a wash to the card then went in with a white wax crayon and drew some cursive lines. I wasn't too happy with them once they were put down (that whole pushing it and then pulling it back process) so to pull it back in, I went back in using a larger surface area on the crayon to make the marks more cloud-like.

I added a few more washes of colour and pearl, accidentally moving the previously glued down word. I liked the effect of the previously masked area being exposed in the middle of a misty cloud like atmosphere, so I went with it and it helped to illustrate the word daydreaming.

Finally I glued another piece of card stock onto the back to make the card a little sturdier. and went back into the illustration with a moistened watercolour pencil to add some detail.

I chose daydreaming because it's part of the creative process. I get ideas from a number of different places, books, magazines, art galleries and coffee houses and by letting my mind wander. For me daydreaming is kind like watching clouds in the sky to see what they remind you of, hence the cloud like atmosphere of the card.

I can fly

I dream of flying, not often, but I do dream of flying. coasting on air currents, swooping, diving, gliding. watching the land drop away as I rise, speeding over the edge of a cliff and out over the water. I fly joyfully and with ease and concentration. I think one of the best things would be to lift off and fly. Dreams when I can lift off are my favourites and I'm glad I am able to remember them.

I love watching birds fly. One day a few years ago I sat at the window of the Lonsdale Quay and watched a hundred gulls surfing the wind. They hovered in place, sometimes twisting and diving is response to air currents and shifts. It was a pleasant half hour.

Today, while Miranda napped and the husband went out for some quality Mother and Son time I caught another aerial ballet from the dining room window. Crows lifting and diving twisting and climbing in the sky. I caught myself wondering if they felt an exhilarating sense of freedom and joy in the dance or if they were riding the air in a bid for an adrenaline rush, to see just how far they could follow the currents before needing to twist out and regain control.

The Perfect Light

I keep dreaming of the perfect photo-op. I mean real REM induced dreams and not the stare off into space and think about what you'd like; day dream kind of dream. Those are good too, but when they come from your subconscious I'm sure that there's a reason for them.

I must really need to get out with the camera.

So what am I dreaming of? The perfect foggy morning and/or evening, is enticing my unconscious brain. There's a certain quality of light when you're engulfed in a fog bank. The light is dispersed evenly and the landscape becomes dreamlike and mysterious.

In my dreams I'm looking out the window as a mist is descending and the world is dressed in a shroud of light. Miraculously, I have full batteries and an empty memory card or in some dreams an unlimited supply of film. I grab my tripod and camera and head out the door; at which point I wake up with an itchy shutter release finger.

I guess this means I have to plan a photography excursion; soon. With any luck I'll get a fog-filled landscape in the bargain.

And now (as the Python says,) for something completely different:
Visit PeanutButterPie and TMCPhoto and receive free shipping to any destination until December 2nd. I've added a listing for a set of custom cards for the holidays and there's an assortment of beautiful fine art photographs that will make a perfect holiday gift for your hard to buy for loved ones.

it was so obvious now that I think about it.

I don't know if it has been apparent in my last few months worth of posts or not, but I've been experiencing a little bout of the blues. I did write about my relationship with depression in October and unfortunately the fug has managed to stick around a little longer than I would have liked.

Normally I'm pretty aware of why I'm feeling any given feeling at any given time. I'm an internalizer who reads a lot and I often find therapy sessions (when I have them) to be troublesome because of this.

This time around I haven't been so aware of where my sadness is coming from. I thought it might have been sleep related, or possibly that it was my way of mourning for the lost time devoted to my art because of being a mother, or because I haven't seen a single member of my family since last January. I mean any one of those things and a hundred others would cause a bit of the Down In the Dumpses but really they were just extensions of the real cause.

So here's my moment of clarification, and it came to me as I was catching up on a few Blogs yesterday. I was reading about a the latest in a series of emotional sculptures by ArtMind (see photo to the left) and then I went on to read a very sad post from another one of my favourite Etsy artists The Dreamy Giraffe, she was writing a tribute to her recently lost pet Buddy and it occurred to me, that while this past Wednesday is the anniversary of the day we found out I was pregnant, it also happens to be the anniversary of the day my Dad passed away. This year is a little different for me because I am now the same age he was when he reached the end of his life. It's a bit of a bummer (Understatements are my speciality).

One of my Aunts once told me a story about a dream my Dad had. It affected his whole life and was eerily prophetic. In his dream, a tear-away calender began to flip through the days in a month. As it got closer to 30 and 31 it flipped faster and kept going until it reached 36, where it stopped.

For almost all of his life he lied about his age, even convincing my grandma at one point that he was in fact the youngest child in the family and his little sister (my youngest aunt, who is about ten years older than I am) was older than he was. He made it to his 36th birthday and then died in his sleep about a month later, while he was away working on an oil rig in Northern Alberta.

Now that I'm looking back at the last few months I should have known what the problem was and I'm feeling a little relieved that it's a naturally occurring sadness and not a chemical imbalance. So I've been missing my Dad and a have been a little freaked out over passing this age milestone myself.