It's a Sideways, Downward Zig Zaggy Spiral

The Bean is in the midst of sleep training. We're not exactly sure who is training who right now though. We're trying to get her to the point where she can sleep through the night without needing a milk feed from her Momma. We've cut it down over the last week or so by one waking but that required the husband to sleep at the foot of the bed with his hand resting on her so she'd stay lying down and drift back to sleep. I tried that but because I'm the giver of milk it kind of backfired and the night turned into a round of pick up the baby, cuddle her to see if she'd go back to sleep and if not nursing until she stopped drinking and putting her back into her own bed only to replay the whole thing again a few hours, or an hour or half an hour later.

Looking back I think training the Peanut was so much easier. She was a sucker, and not in a "Ha ha sucker!" kind of way but in a put a suckey (soother) in her mouth and she would self soothe back to sleep kind of way. I originally didn't want a soother with the Peanut but she got one when I wasn't looking and it turned out that it wasn't a problem for us. She didn't use it all the time, when she needed it, it was a lifesaver and when it was time for her to give it up it was easy peasy. So we got one for the Bean and she refused to use it. She's not a sucker, unless it's with me then she's right on it. I've been diligent about breaking the latch when there is no actual eating from day one which leads to either a stretch and roll over to go to sleep or a frantic scramble to get back onto the milk train. If we had the soother to fall back on this whole sleep thing would be so much simpler. We'd just be replaying the Peanut's sleep training instead of feeling like first timers all over again.

Any suggestions out there? Did you have a soother refuser? how did you do the getting them to sleep through the night thing?

She's Perfect

of course.
Of course she is.

I should know, I've been there for almost every single moment of her 5+ years. She's smart, funny, full of imagination, she knows how to push my buttons and as of yesterday she's navigating whole days without me. I'm proud, I'm so happy for her (there is excitement in her eyes every morning when we get her up) and I worry.

Of course I worry. Who (besides the husband) knows her better than I do? I know she's going to have some bumpy days. I know that there are going to be tears (there already have been right where I expected them to happen) and I know that she's going to be fine. In my head I know she's going to be fine. With her personal quirks, her ready to please attitude and her belief that every kid out there is a friend waiting to be made. And then there's her inner loner.

And then I sit outside the school grounds waiting for her first 1/2 day to be over scanning the school yard for her glowing braided head. When I finally catch sight of her she's wondering around by herself. By her posture and the look on her face she's pretending to be a T-rex, alone. This isn't new by any means. The husband and I have noticed her go of by herself at play groups and play dates. Both the husband and I are a little reserved around new groups of people so we get it. We get that large groups can be overwhelming, that sometimes doing stuff by yourself is more comfortable, sometimes it's the best fun and sometimes it's lonely. And there's the rub.

Growing up and even right now, I've found social situations a challenge. I can't help but to want better for her (In some cases she is better than I am. As an example: inviting perfect strangers the next booth over, in a restaurant over to our house, address included, because she's been playing with their kids for five minutes is so not something I would ever have done at the age of 3.5). To make friends easily. To fit in. Watching her play alone in a crowd of laughing yelling kids her own age and over was a little heartbreaking and also a moment filled with resisting the urge to run onto the playground to help her make a friend. And then just as I was wiping away a stray little tear one, then two then three other children surrounded her and then they were all off and running.

I guess what I'm getting at is that this whole sending our first born off to school has really been much harder on me than her. She's going to be OK, she's perfect just the way she is and she'll be alright. I just worry. That's a Mama's job right?

Five Years Ago today

I woke up in the hospital (having spent the day before there on bed rest) and reminded the nurse that I wasn't able to eat the breakfast they had brought me what with the imminent c-section I had been emergency scheduled for two days before. Looking back I should have just eaten it, since the Peanut didn't make her grand entrance until after 9pm.

I had waddled on my extremely swollen feet with my super bloated belly, back, arms and hands) for my final maternity appointment and the high blood pressure (along with the extreme water retention) I had when she did the basic check up routine alarmed the Doctor enough that she took it again 10 minutes later (in the hopes that it had just been raised because of the physical activity of walking to the office) to make sure. When it was still high after the wait, she called the specialist who booked me an appointment for later that day where I was told that I had preclampsia, the baby was too big for me to safely deliver and I was headed to the hospital for a day of bed rest followed by an emergency C-section to take place some time the day after.

So I was told I could go in at 9 and then 10 and I had my fingers crossed that I wouldn't be going in until my Mom arrived. I needn't have worried since each slot I was put in throughout the day (5 times between noon and 7pm) was pushed back and my Mom and Grandma arrived in more than enough time.

When it was finally my turn, the husband was led off to change into scrubs and I was wheeled into the prenatal ward where I promptly threw up into a cardboard boat (you know, the kind french fries are served in at the high school cafeteria).

In the operating room I sat up on the table, hunched over while they tried and failed (what with the extra 25lb of water I'd been carrying around) a few excruciatingly painful times to give me the spinal. The Specialist (who was amazing) helped by holding me down while they jabbed the needle into my nerves a few more times before they hit the right spot and the lower half of my body went numb. Interesting side note: the room the Peanut was born in was in the Movie Look who's talking. To this day I will watch that show just to catch a glimpse of the dated pink flower wall paper that decorates that room in Lion's Gate Hospital.

The Husband came in and before I knew it they made the incision.
They dropped the curtain and I got my first look at the Peanut, "It's a girl! here's your baby!" the Dr said.

I took in her little old man face (I don't care what anyone says all new born babies have it; it's the scrunched up slightly bloated from swimming in fluid for 9 months about to cry from the indignity of being forced out of a nice warm safe place face), the shock of hair (there was so so so much of it) and tiny button nose and greeted her with the first thought that came to mind "Oh, there you are!"

She cried, I cried, the husband shed a few manly tears and they weighed her (8lb 5oz), measured her 20" and poked her in the heel to test her blood. Then I got to hold her as I was wheeled into a recovery room where the husband and I nixed all the names we'd short listed for her (River and Clara were the top two) all of which just didn't suit her; while we marveled at how perfect and beautiful our daughter was.

We finally landed on the perfect name when I suggested a name that just seemed to have been made for the Peanut and then, just like that 5 years just seemed to fly by.

She's grown into a simply beautiful little soul. She's smart and funny and creative and (along with her sister the Jelly Bean) the best thing I ever made. She makes me laugh, cry and sometimes so frustrated I wonder what I was thinking when we decided to start a family, but only sometimes. She also makes me bust with pride every single day.

So, five years ago today I stepped into motherhood; the Peanut was born and our lives changed, it's been one sweet ride.

Itching- in more ways than one

if it wasn't that my last insect kerfuffle in this house happened two years ago; I'd start to worry that I'm some sort of bug magnet.

So what's the latest you ask?

Wolf Spider bites, while we sleep.

Thankfully not on the girls, unfortunately in the worst possible places on us, (ie. on the back of my ankle and on the husband's butt). On the positive side I think we found the little jerk and disposed of him/her outside. Also a plus is that my white blood count must be up because the welts are starting to go away much faster than bites usually do for me (two to three weeks is about an average time for me to get rid of a mosquito bite). So I've got some itchy bites but they are going away.

On a less literal note I'm also itching to write. Oh, to have the time to post regularily again. Don't get me wrong I'm taking full joy in the Bean and my Peanut. Right now my girls are playing together in the living room. The Bean has just treated us to her first laugh and the Peanut is going out of her way to get another one. But I wish to write about the way the Bean's lashes remind me of hoar frost, how they seem to lie on her cheeks like lacy black snowflakes, you know the kind, the big ones that envelope you in sense of awe in the silence of a winter night. I wish to write about how the quiet moments I get to spend with my Peanut are becoming even more special to me since they come so few and far between. I wish to write about how the Peanut has begun to sing loudly and with gusto as she runs around the house when the Bean naps.

The thing about taking joy in this time with my girls is that I have very little time for writing. Case in point: it's taken me three days to write this post up to this point. My spider bites are currently red welts with very little itch right now.

I'm also feeling an itch to make. I've been trying to grab a moment here and there to make more stamps, I've been trying to make notes of any ideas I have. Once the cycle of feeding, burping, change the diaper, slip in some time with the Peanut, have a nap and start all over again ends I'll be ready to go

Pouts and Drool

make up a large part of my day to day. Well that and the diaper changing, burping and feeding but not necessarily in that order. Did I mention the drool? Because the Bean is drooling us a river.

And then there's the sleep. The last time I found falling asleep this easily was when the Peanut was keeping me up at all hours of the night and day. As soon as the lights go off I do too. I don't even remember my head hitting the pillow most nights.

Such are the joys of parenting an infant.

As for the preschooler (soon to be big kid); well, so far we don't have her asking to take the Bean back, and she hasn't tried to fob the Bean off on the neighbors or perfect strangers when we aren't looking. She hasn't taken it into her head to hit, pinch or harm the Bean. And we are so grateful for that. In fact she's incorporated the Bean into her play. Mostly by sitting directly in front of the Bean and loudly singing, "Hella sista Bean, hella sista Bean, Hella sista Bean, hella sista Bean, Hella sista Bean, hella sista Bean, Hella sista Bean, hella sista Bean, Hella sista Bean, hella sista Bean," or sitting beside the Bean and asking, "Hello sister Bean, what's heading today (patting her head), Hello sister Bean what's footing today (patting her foot) Hello sister Bean what's ..." I think you get the picture. The Peanut has also been a huge help with the Bean; happily doing diaper runs at bum changing time, making sure to bring at least 3 diapers in case the Bean poops all over me which is big time entertainment.

What we also have is a lot of little miss bossy pants behavior, complete with foot stomping, whining and full on bottom lip protrusions. Trying to steer the Peanut in the direction of positive attention is as much a full time job as feeding burping and changing the Bean. It helps that she's started to ask for attention when she's starting to feel left out. And it also helps that she's willing to be patient if the Bean is in the middle of a meal or bum change.

So that's what's been going on around here. I'll be continuing with the music meme when I get a chance, since the Bean's awake from her nap it's time to get going. Today we're headed to the Peanut's school to drop off some information for registration for kindergarten next year. Did I mention that the Peanut starts kindergarten next year? I'm only left to wonder what happened; where did the last four years go?

A Thousand Words: It's not what it looks like edition

The Peanut was actually very pleased to be
hugging her Sister Bean

I've been trying to get it together enough to write about the coming of the Bean but between getting acquainted with the Jelly Bean, making sure that our Peanut Butter Pie is feeling the love and recovering I've been very side tracked.

The Bean's birth story isn't a usual one. There's no water breaking, or contractions starting. No having to frantically track down the Husband to get to the hospital. We were scheduled to go into surgery at 8:30 so we had to be at the hospital at 6:30. I had pre-registered but we still had to go through some administration. We went up to the maternity floor where I peed in a cup, got a shave, and had three different nurses try to hook me up to an IV. I walked from the pre-op room into the operating room where the anaesthesiologist finally got the IV in and then successfully performed a spinal in record time with only a little bit of pain.

I was given two doses of adrenalin so that I wouldn't be sick during the operation and before I knew it I was listening to the Bean making her first sounds. My first look at her was watching the Doctor place her in the warming bed and the Husband going over to take her first pictures and update his status on facebook. I held her briefly before she went downstairs with her Daddy and I went into post-op recovery. We had her named in those few moments; unlike the Peanut who did not seem to fit any of our favorite name picks, the Bean suited the one we liked the best and we chose a middle name that fits her nick name and fits her like a glove.

Hearing her little voice gurgle through the amniotic fluid and then come out clear and strong was surreal. With the Peanut we were given a quick peak at her face before they took her out. The Bean was born behind the curtain and I wasn't able to hold her and feed her properly until I'd been in recovery for two hours. There were of course tears of complete joy when I first saw her and the shock of recognition too; with the exception of black hair instead of dark reddish and much chubbier cheeks the Bean and the Peanut are most definitely sisters. They look very much alike.

I'll be trying to post more frequently as time goes on. This week the Husband goes back to work and we head into a somewhat regular routine. I'm hoping to be able to get back into the swing of things soon.

Two Days

In two days at this time I will be getting ready to bring the Bean out. I'm not sure how sleep on Tuesday night is going to be, the adrenaline is probably going to be pounding all night long. We have my niece coming over to watch over the Peanut while we head into the hospital for pre-op and my parents are on their way as we speak.

We'll be bringing the Bean out via a c-section. I made the decision to go that route because with the Peanut I had one, and because it was an emergency procedure that took place even before a single real contraction was felt. Having the second child is supposed to be a little less daunting and the whole unknown involved with labour wasn't making this time around seem so. I felt that trying to go naturally combined with having the Peanut at home and having my parents here for only a few short days it was better to go the already trodden path.

The Bean has started to slow down a little bit, she's not kicking nearly as much and her movements seem to be focused to mostly at night. My belly has dropped down a little bit and I've got that waddle walk going on that happens when the baby's head is engaged and it feels like she's going to drop out with each step. The Peanut is a super help, running to pick things up for me when I drop them, helping to pic up after herself and just being a sweet heart.

This will be my last post for a while. As I mentioned I've got my parents on the way and I want to focus on the Peanut for the next two days. I'll post again once we're home and settled.

Because Marisa did it...

So after a long day at the beach; where I managed to sear the tops of my feet and almost wear the Peanut out. I sat on the couch with an ice pack on my tired old feet and did a little bit of catch up. One of my favourite blogs to follow is Elegant Bloggery and Marisa's latest post was a short interview with her youngest little munchkin. On a whim I decided to ask the Peanut the same questions to see what she'd answer. Keeping in mind that she'd spent a good solid day at the beach and had had a few tantrums on the way home; her answers were not too shabby.

1. What is something Momma always says to you?
um, I don't remember (this was a kind of half involved answer

2. What makes Momma happy?
Me!

3. What makes Momma sad?
Me away

4. How does your Momma make you laugh?
Tickling me!

5. What was your Momma like as a child?
um, Me? ( I think this question was a little confusing for her)

6. How old is your Momma?
one

7. How tall is your Momma?
this tall! (said with the barest of arm gestures which leads me to believe that I am rather puny)

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
Play with me

9. What does your Momma do when you're not around?
you take a nap (this is actually not too far from the truth)

10. What is your Momma really good at?
ummm, gluing stuff

11. If Momma became famous, what would it be for?
of gluing stuff

12. What is Momma not very good at?
you're not good at hooking up my new video game

13. What does your Momma do for her job?
Print out stuff for me to draw

14. What is your Momma's favorite food?
coffee (not exactly and lately with the Bean something I'm not able to stomach more than a sip or two)

15. What makes you proud of your Momma?
for not pee peeing on the floor (I am if nothing else pretty well potty trained)

16. If your Momma were a cartoon character, who would she be?
a beautiful princess (this I will take at face value)

17. What do you and your Momma do together?
puzzles

18. How are you and your Momma the same?
you have hair like me (not really)

19. How are you and your Momma different?
you are big and I am small

20. How do you know your Momma loves you?
Because I'm gorgeous! (very cute but now I'm wondering if I've given the impression that we love her because of how she looks?)

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to get a new ice pack for my feet, with any luck I'll cool off the burn enough to bypass any major damage...

Count down and flying time

in one short week we'll be in Alberta with a 4 year old, not a 3 year old; a 4 year old.

I'm trying to wrap my brain around the fact that 4 years ago she was a very much looked forward to little person with no name, no gender and we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. The last 4 years have been so full. Full of unexpected rushes of love so intense that that I never would have believed them before the Peanut came along. Full of pride so head inflating that I'm sure that my hat size has gone up 10 sizes. Full of frustrations and impatience and the graspings at all those perfect and not so perfect little moments as they fly by.

I have one more year of having her 100% and then it's time for school. She'll go off to learn new things and make new friends. Sure she'll come back each day with tales of her adventures, the things she's learned, the friends she's made. And she'll still be ours. So I'll be soaking in this last year with her, taking it all in before she becomes a big kid and not my little baby anymore. The count down is on and time is flying.

it's all started out wrong

that's how it seems today anyway. Of course it's early and there's still time to turn it all around. It's spring break in our neck of the woods which means that the teens who live next door are partying (which means drunk and banging on the door while yelling in the backyard on the weekend) or in the back yard at 6AM dropping f-bombs as loud as they can in the backyard (that's right, this was how I was woken up today).

Either way, my sleep is interrupted. Today that meant all our sleep was shortened by at least an hour as the Peanut's attitude this morning is evidence that she was more than likely going to sleep a little later this morning than 6. Either that or she's turned over night into the whinge-miester.

Well, the whinging isn't really new today, it's been going on for a little over a week now. At the drop of a hat, or the first sign that the Peanut's will is being flouted we break into the nasal whine. This whine grates on my nerves and despite plenty of discussions about deep breaths and using words to express how we are feeling, the whine returns. on a related note I'm looking forward to some me time this weekend, just me, some paints and some glass.

So anyone else going through the whinge-fest? Gone through it? What are you doing/did you do to get past it?

A Thousand Words

Today's tomboy isn't afraid to be a Princess:

Or to knock one out of the park...

Or to buck convention...

Easy Dessert

Lately, (read: every single night for the last two years) the Peanut asks for a special treat after her dinner. The whole "special treat" has been both a boon and a bane in our little household. A boon because she'll sit and try new things, a bane because she's sometimes so focused on her treat that she'll claim that she's full well before she actually is.

On the other hand a treat for her includes a big bowl of frozen fruit so it's not all cookies and cake. Had I to do it all over again I would have never mentioned the term "special treat"; it was born from a moment of desperation that had nothing to do with dinner (trying to coax the Peanut away from the way past closing time playgroup room) but has since become a major part of our dinnertime lexicon.

Growing up, we didn't do dessert on a regular basis; after my Dad's first heart attack the household menu changed drastically, also my Mom was never really a baker, so desserts were in the cake mix aisle at grocery store or related to going to Grandma's house (chocolate cake with Peanut butter icing) until my parents started cooking their own Chinese food in a wok, using recipes from one of my Mom's co-workers. Somewhere around that time my Mom picked up a huge cook book full of recipes from different parts of the world, one of the dessert recipes in there quickly became a regular.

I'm just going from memory here, so amounts may vary but this recipe is so simple and actually lends itself well to improvisation. There are also no photographs (sorry). What you'll be making is a no bake rice pudding so you can plan to make extra rice when you are cooking a rice dish or use up leftover rice from dinner.

What you'll need:
left over cooked white rice (about 3 to 4 cups)
1 can fruit cocktail drained
1 medium sized carton of whip cream
sugar and vanilla for making whipped cream

What you do with it:

Mix your whipped cream until it's light and fluffy. Drain your fruit cocktail and mix it together with the cooked rice. Then fold in your whipped cream. you want the the rice to be well coated with whipped cream but not overwhelmed by it. Let it sit refrigerated for a few hours as the rice with absorb the sweet cream as well as some of the fruit flavours. You can also substitute cool whip if you like but I like the real thing.

As for improvisation you can add a little cinnamon or nutmeg to the cream and substitute other types of canned fruit; all peaches or all pears or use fresh fruit, cut up apples, pears and peaches with seedless grapes. The pudding is light and refreshing so it's a wonderful summer time dish that would be a great finish to a BBQ meal

A thousand Words

camera's in hand, we set out for a little photography walk.

this is one of mine

Quick update

I was notified this morning that this post has been made a feature blog at garden-planters.com. Must have been all my posts of garden statuary. I just got back from visiting their website and they have some absolutely gorgeous garden things. I'm a little partial to the cast stone fountain.

Photo-tag

Heather from Joy de Vivre photo tagged me!

I'm up to the challenge of course.

Here are the rules:

1. Open your first photo folder.

2. Scroll to the 10th photo.

3. Post the photo on your blog and tell the story behind it.

4. Tag people to do the same.


This is the Peanut having her first bath at home. At the time she was less than thrilled and she's probably wishing that it was dinner time instead of bath time here. For the first few months we bathed her on the table in the dining room of our apartment, Other than the fact that this photo brings back so many memories of those first few days as a family instead of a couple, this photograph also features my Dad who passed away when I was 15. An enlargement of his passport photograph is framed int he background.

I'm not much for tagging with these things, If you want in on the photo tag fun follow the rules and let me know, I'll check ou your photograph and the story behind it too.